Thursday, 22 November 2007

• So a lot happened these last few days.
  Zach tried to kill me Monday because of the letter.
  Dawn and Kim had to get him off me.
  Then he sort of apologized, and we agreed that we won't talk again....unless it's yearbook matter.
  Micheal does like me, but he doesn't think he's mature enough for a relationship.
  Oh well.
  
  And this boy, Aleksey, and me have been talking a lot and such.
  
  We're sort of about to hang out tomorrow.
  Before I go to work.
  And he already told me he'll kiss me.
  He said I need to "taste some romance".
  Which I have no problem with.
  But I'm already thinking about what excuses I'll make up when I want to end it.
  "I'm too busy." [I actually am.]
  "I like someone else." [I actually do.]
  "It just won't work out." [It actually might.]
  
  Before Zach, I always "dumped"every guy after a few days, 2 weeks at the most.
  I'm back to being the scared little wussy I always was.
  The only reason it lasted longer with Zach was because he didn't really let me use those excuses, and I think that's why I thought he was special.
  Anyway, enough talk about him.
  It's not that I'm not over my last relationship, it just seems like too much work, which I don't have time now.
  I just want a friend, a really good one, but not one with benefits, and not a boyfriend.
  Makes sense?
  I think I'm better off single now, but because of my rule of "always try before you judge", I can't really say no.
  Because he might be awesome, and he might not let me go, and we might have something beautiful in the end.
  But I'm nervous. Because the last thing I want is another bad relationship.
  There's no such thing as "just friends", and Monday proved that right.
  I almost got choked and almost hit.
  And Aleksey's a nice guy, but his friends are drunken potheads, and even though he said he hasn't smoked pot in a few months, I just don't like the idea of being around potheads, I get irritated and bitchy from them.
  And he goes to Murrow. Yeah, that's sort of bad, because if I work and volunteer it might be a little hard for us to meet up.
  
  So pros:
  Long, long, long hair. And it's not messy and curly, he actually brushes it. MUCH BETTER.
  Nice arms and strong fingers, lol.
  He plays the guitar and he said he'll serenade me.
  He's in a band. Killing Valentina.
  By the way, I don't like the band, I'm not much into the weird screamo / metal thing...but it's cool that he's in a band.
  HE'S WICCAN. How cool is that?
  He's more experienced then me.
  He's friends with my friends.
  Ummm, what else? He cheers me up and makes me smile.
  He calls me gorgeous and beautiful.
  We already gave each other nicknames.
  
  Cons:
  He might smoke pot?
  He'll probably drink.
  He's more experienced then me.
  He goes to Murrow, so I probably wouldn't see him much.
  I don't think he's ambitious, though he did say that he wants to make a music label company and that he won't give up until he has one...but then again...WE ALL HAVE DREAMS.
  I can't think of anything else.
  
  The end of this is all that I am fucking scared shitless and my last relationship went really really really wrong and that fucked up my mind.

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